November 11, 2004
humphf
I wonder whatever happened to that 'free' Big Brother 2004 dvd from the Sun newspaper I sent a whole 20p coin off for ages and ages and ages ago?
Further proof that you really can't trust the Sun I guess.
Posted by groc at 10:47 AM | Comments (2)
August 19, 2004
dan clone
I caught sight of this chap at this year's Brighton homosexualist Pride thingy.
It worried me somewhat.
Posted by groc at 12:32 PM | Comments (1)
August 17, 2004
Warning or prophecy?
Portugese Big Brother winner in suicide bid. (Don't worry I'm not taking about Nadia.)
Posted by groc at 05:34 PM | Comments (0)
August 11, 2004
Dean
I ordered this book and it arrived today. I'm already about 5 chapters in. You'll only be able to find this on ebay, apparently no mainstream publisher will touch it for fear of falling foul to the wraith of the Endemol lawyers.
Posted by groc at 08:27 PM | Comments (5)
August 06, 2004
the biggest thing
I'm looking forward to in the end of this year's Big Brother -is not having to suffer those bloody irritating TalkTalk ads. That irritating jangly guitar jingle, that smug frontman, the useless funny-as-a-car-crash-in-which-your-lover-and-your-whole-family-dies 'comedy' sketches --aaaaargh. Why hasn't the marketting/advertising world learnt yet that that being annoying isn't the best way to promote anything. Sigh.
Nadia will win, Dan will come second (that's what he's hoping for) and if there's any justice in the world Shell third and Jason fourth - how the hell did he get so lucky to be still in there? Bizarre, bizarre and bizarre.
Posted by groc at 06:11 PM | Comments (3)
August 02, 2004
arssse
Am I the only one to have noticed the not-so veiled homophobic comments directed at Dan spouted by both Victor and Jason throughout the whole of this year’s BB? Of all the housemates he’s been repeatedly singled out by those two as a ‘brown noser’, an arse-licker, etc. etc.
(Watch out for tonight's glove puppet show from Jason.)
I mean I can’t say I’ve ever seen Dan being ingratiating to anyone in the house myself, but that‘s obviously what they branded him as -just so they can get in those arse-related insults at every opportunity. Lovely. This being on the acceptable side of saying what they'd really like to call him -the dirty arse-bandit queer. This being all the more ironic coming from Jason being the housemate who’s made the biggest fuss and show of his gluteus maximus.
Posted by groc at 09:02 PM | Comments (6)
August 01, 2004
cobwebs!
Have you seen BB today? There's giant cobwebs everywhere - black widow Michelle must have left them all before she left.
I couldn't help noticing today that -rather predictably, the Sunday papers were full of 'exclusives' with the cheap whorish chav trollop.
Posted by groc at 05:51 PM | Comments (0)
July 31, 2004
Not on
Mmmm. Not on. Endelmol in the last week has whittled down the housemates to the 5 likable (or depending on your personal opinion the least obnoxious) and now they think it's great TV to make them all physically sick for the entertainment of us jaded masses.
Posted by groc at 09:49 PM | Comments (3)
July 30, 2004
the chicken-eating spider
an endangered species (hopefully).
Posted by groc at 01:24 PM | Comments (3)
transcript
Transcript from Uncut Diary Room footage that won’t ever be broadcast.
It’s very early in the morning.
Stuart ambles into the diary room. Unlike his usual laid back surfer/hippy-like state he’s looking unusually anxious and haunted.
“Er…. Big Bro?”
“Yes Stuart.”
Stuart pauses and distractively bites at his fingernails.
“Er…. Oh man. Er…”
“Is something troubling you Stuart?”
“Yeah. Look. Um. Man. If like Michelle gets like…. Er…. evicted tonight. Like.”
Long pause.
“Yes Stuart?”
“Is it possible that on my own er…. eviction night. That -er, Big Brother can arrange to have my passport, er, a packed suitcase, a taxi to Heathrow, and a flight to [sound of bird song, a cat purring, and a pig oinking] ready for me?”
“Yes Stuart - Big Brother can assure you that it’s own version of the ‘witness protection programme’ is at your disposal. Arrangement for your family and friends to be relocated and their identities changed will start immediately.”
Stuart -suddenly brightening. “Oh wow. Cool Big Brother. You‘re the greatest.”
“Big Brother is glad to be of help Stuart. You may now leave the diary room.”
Later during breakfast Michelle is seen sharpening the steak knives… is heard muttering “if I can’t havvim, no one’s havvinim.”
Posted by groc at 07:39 AM | Comments (0)
July 29, 2004
trilby & eyeliner
The offical BB website mentions Dan's trilby and eyeliner look.
Ahem.
Where've I seen that before?
Thankfully the brown lipstick error wasn't also taken onboard.
Posted by groc at 10:37 AM | Comments (3)
July 28, 2004
oh wise one
Posted by groc at 02:22 PM | Comments (0)
July 27, 2004
Shell
Posted by groc at 01:02 AM | Comments (1)
July 26, 2004
revolutionary
Posted by groc at 07:49 PM | Comments (1)
RUN chicken!
Posted by groc at 03:09 AM | Comments (5)
July 25, 2004
Charmer
Victor on tonight’s BBLB: “[…Shell] is a complete waste of space, she‘s got as much personality as a used condom.”
Lovely man, such the charmer.
You know that classic 1958s film 'the Fly'
-remember the infamous last scene?
I keep seeing it over and over...
Posted by groc at 08:17 PM | Comments (3)
starling
one of a pair which was excitedly jumping around pecking at a ants nest, on a busy street unperturbed by humans passing close by.
Posted by groc at 05:50 PM | Comments (0)
go home
You know that car insurance advert with the nodding animated bulldog that's voiced by Vic Reeves, you know the particular one in the series where there's an alien invasion in it and where the streets are packed full of little green men? You know the very end of it - where the bulldog says 'Go home' to the alien, and the alien says in it's little high pitched voice 'no'. Remember it? Now imagine the alien's head replaced with Jason's face.
Go home Jason. Just go into the diary room and demand to go home. No one wants you there, not after you separated yourself off to be with Vicky-boy, you don't want to be there, you hate everyone and everyone hates you right back, you know you aren't going to win. You're bored out of your skull and you're boring to watch. Stop torturing yourself. Go home. All those chicks are waiting for you -remember. *cough*.
Posted by groc at 01:30 AM | Comments (3)
July 24, 2004
J
Jason is alone in the Pamper Room. Again. He stares at his feet as he contemplates his future, he misses his best buddy Victor - he loved sharing his witty banter, he even misses his smelly hat, his stinky pyjama bottoms, his wobbly bitch-tits. Oh, how could it have gone so wrong so soon? Their intricately crafted game plan. He was so sure the public loved them. Their double act, their witty repartee, those clever put downs and sharp character assassinations of the other house members. Oh, it was so funny when Victor managed to make Shell cry. He was so “da man“, that Mr. Slick. How could the public have voted him out? He and himself where the only ones telling it like it is. The sound of Nadia’s laughter distracts him for a moment - setting his teeth on edge. That hideous laugh. Victor would have said something witty just then to help it be a little less grating.
Oh well, must try to look on the bright side - he’s still sure people are mesmerised by his bronzed muscular body and his delicious firm buttocks, oh he can‘t wait for tonight when the rest of them have gone to bed and he can do his work out and elaborate painstaking ablutions in peace and quiet. He mustn’t let things slip. He can already feel a lot of definition going. But the chicks will be lining up for him once he leaves the house. Oh yeah.
He feels so very, very sad but he knows he mustn’t cry. Big boys don’t cry, they run, they work out, they lie around on beds all day setting the world to rights by the power of mean-spirited bitching, but they do not ever cry. Ever… Oh Vicky boy…
Posted by groc at 01:18 PM | Comments (1)
July 23, 2004
thank you
thank you great British public. You did the right thing...
we're left with 3 very strange men now -a girly boy, a vanity case and a gayer... and an ex-man too, it's all so new millennium.
Posted by groc at 09:39 PM | Comments (6)
Oh goody,
Let's hope enough people saw Victor's extremely boorish arsey behaviour on tonight's Big Brother to vote to evict him out of the house tomorrow. Quite why he was even allowed to stay after the infamous 'Fight night' after brandishing a (butter) knife around is anyone's guess, to me he's long been living on borrowed time.
Mardy over being nominated and spoiling for a fight he couldn't go against his bosom buddy Jason, he couldn't pick on Michelle if he wanted to keep Stuart on side, he daren't go against Dan who could run verbal rings around him and even flatten him if it came to it, for some unknown reason he didn't go for Nadia -so he went all out to upset Shell. Innocuous, conflict-shy Shell. Um. Such the big (arse) slick gangsta he. That's the second woman he's chosen to go up against. The complete twunt.
He still hasn't twigged that BB is a popularity contest and if he really thinks a loveable rogue can win... then the first stage might possibly be to be er.... loveable.
(I do hope someone is out there writing a paper on BB5 as a case study on the crisis of masculinity and gender roles in the new millennium. It's all there.)
Posted by groc at 12:44 AM | Comments (1)
July 21, 2004
innit
Posted by groc at 07:51 PM | Comments (1)
July 20, 2004
evict the bum
My first choice to go would be Victor butt
Posted by groc at 10:27 PM | Comments (1)
July 18, 2004
love and marriage
Mmmm of course I think the happily wedded couple should be Jason and Victor. But I suppose they'll go for the tediously obvious...
Posted by groc at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)
it must be love love love
Forget the creepy-scary non "affair" between Bunny-boiler Michelle and sleep-walking Stuart*, the real full-on romance is happening between Victor and Jason. Who knew that such insecure narcissists could ever find such strong mutual admiration outside of their respective mirrors? They’ve already been talking about paying visits to each other outside of the House, it can’t be long before they end up sharing a flat together… Jason will be on hand to shave Victor every morning… aw bless, (and do whatever else Victor is too lazy to do for himself -*cough* like wanking *cough*). Except of course it's all bound to end in some kind of hideous Orton & Halliwell style gruesomeness a few years down the line.
(It's late: I've been watching them indulging in yet another one of their usual late night 'discussions' (bitchfest) of the other housemates and scheming away, but other than that what else do they do? Victor slobs around all day in his (what by now must be throughly stinking) hat and grotesque baggy boxer shorts, and Jay when he's not hiding out alone in the pampering room, spends hours and hours grooming and admiring himself in the bathroom mirrors. They think this a winning strategy for themselves do they? Hum. The poor sad deluded bastards.)
*On flicking through channels recently I accidentally happened upon an advert for a street hypnotist show -showing some poor hapless young man in the street running around pretending to do various weird things, and I instantly thought omigod! That’s exactly how BB5 Stuart behaves. He's in a deep hypnotic trance! It's obvious now. Although we're yet to have the pleasure of seeing chicken Stu out of the House where upon he'll suddenly snap to wakeful consciousness and run screaming as fast and as hard as he can to get away from that woman's clutches.
Posted by groc at 02:14 AM | Comments (1)
July 16, 2004
Phew
By the by, have Victor, Jason and Daniel been the only ones who haven't been in floods of tears yet? Proof they ain't human.
Posted by groc at 09:53 PM | Comments (0)
evict
Sorry, call me old fashioned but I just don't find weird creepy sexist homophobic near-psychopathic cranky middle aged men particularly entertaining.
Evict - the tooth of Ahmed compels you!
Posted by groc at 08:01 PM | Comments (5)
July 11, 2004
baby seagull watch
Mmmmm. Who'd be up for seeing a 6 meg quick time movie of a young seagull practising using their wings for the first time ever? Or a movie of two adult seagulls having a right good scrap?
Just me then? Darn.
Posted by groc at 03:28 PM | Comments (2)
June 28, 2004
I've got a theory
Groc thinks new housemate Becki is a BB plant. Groc thinks the original plan was to plant a 'superbitch', but after the Bedsit and resulting fight night fiasco BB have had to change tack and instead they've planted a psychologist so things don't get too out of hand, but at the same time stir things up a bit. (Going for a having cake & eat it scenerio.) I saw the bit on her first night in the house, where she was sat on the bed giving Jason a pep talk complete with pyscho-babble-like 'ooh you're special' interjections, then there's this bit where she gives a one-to-one pep talk to Nads. All highly suspicious...
She's like a weirder, creepier version of Deanna Troi out of Star Trek TNG.
Posted by groc at 04:13 PM | Comments (5)
June 27, 2004
Look,
I know I haven't got my old cartoon strips up on the internet anymore -but why hasn't anyone else pointed out how much Marco is like my 'Stupid Faggot' character?
Posted by groc at 04:12 AM | Comments (0)
June 24, 2004
the mystery of
the rapidly disappearing toilet paper? Look no further than under Jason's bed. After all he is one of the biggest w+nk+rs in the house (hur hur hur*). Which brings me to wonder what did people do before they invented toilet paper -even before that nasty hard tracing paper stuff or even newspaper? Eurgh. Do I even want to know? (Extra Bonus link: The Madison Museum of Bathroom Tissue)
(*did you see the bit where Dan was telling Nads and another on of the girls how one night Jason had thrown a used tissue at him. Charming. In J's book that probably counts as a subtle bit of flirting.)
Tonight Marco, Michelle and Nads were having a joint screaming match about pancakes or something - which was so highly pitched -that only dogs could possibly hear it. 'Nuff said.
Posted by groc at 10:25 PM | Comments (0)
Is it just me...
Posted by groc at 04:25 PM | Comments (5)
even more sketches
the incredible Hulk. Ali G (if he's a Gangsta -it's straight out of 'Bugsy Malone'). Barbie. Sindy. Ken. Bunny Boiler. Yoda. Frank N. Furter. Gollum. Tusky. Calamity Jane. Minnie Mouse (on speed)
“Someone could get seriously hurt.”
Posted by groc at 02:19 AM | Comments (3)
June 20, 2004
more sketches
Posted by groc at 10:13 PM | Comments (3)
quick sketches
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Posted by groc at 05:16 AM | Comments (2)
June 19, 2004
going
I wonder if she could sue for mental cruelty? Doesn't being locked alone in a bedsit count as false imprisonment?
Posted by groc at 09:18 AM | Comments (0)
Victor in name only.
Excuse me - but just how stupid is Victor of Big Brother 5 exactly? He’s been acting as if BB is a game of strategy, which he thinks he can eventually win by influencing votes amongst his friends (well, in fact he’s only got Jason as a friend [incidentally, why hasn‘t he been severely reprimanded for discussing nominations among the other housemates? Wasn‘t "nasty Nick" evicted for doing something very similar? Albeit in that particular case in a much more underhanded fashion]). Has Mr. Slick (urgh! my flesh crawls at the mention) never watched the program before? If so he would have twigged that BB is a glorified popularity contest -wherein the general public decides who is the most fanciable and -slightly more importantly -who is the nicest amongst the group. Unfortunately these are two main qualities with which Victor is severely lacking. He himself already subconsciously knows he’s unattractive -otherwise why would he always wear his hat so firmly pulled down over his head and make every effort to hide his body? As for niceness -he’s certainly felt no need to be openly congenial to anyone else in the house other than to 'co-conspirator' Jason. Even then he hasn’t ever really been nice to him, all he’s ever done there is share his dislike of all the other members of the house. Alternatively, what he has been happy to show to the world (via the diary room) is his arrogance, his self-delusion and as a unforeseen consequence his blatant stupidity. These qualities do not win votes.
Groc confidently predicts that as soon he’s been voted up for eviction -he’ll be gone. Then after the first round of ‘so you’re out of the house now -what was it like in there?’ press and TV interviews he’ll very quickly disappear back into total obscurity. Good riddance say I.
Update: Apparently most of the housemates were given formal warnings for the infamous fight night. Jason and Victor both have an additional formal warning each for discussing nominations. Although I can't understand why Victor didn't get another one for climbing onto the BB roof, that would have made three and cause for his instant eviction. But as BB is going out of it's way to be deliberately controversial (not to mention hypocritical) this year, we shouldn't be surprised he's still in there.
Posted by groc at 12:43 AM | Comments (2)